Updated: May 27
In this day and age, it can be hard to stand up for ourselves and ask for what we want. Here are some tips/tools to help you do just that.
Being more deliberate and direct when speaking with others is just the start.
Words are powerful and communicating with others should never be taken casually, especially when it’s important.
We need to remember that people are yearning for honest communication from one another. People appreciate honest communication and being direct is the best way to accomplish that.
You need to have the courage and strength to both communicate and listen directly. And as hard as it may be at first, ultimately, people will appreciate it.
Especially if you are coming from a genuine place.
When we communicate directly, it allows the other person to feel seen and heard.
When asking for what you want, it’s important to remember what you’re trying to accomplish. There’s a difference between consciously getting a result for yourself or just trying to be right. If you’re clear about your intended result, then I think it’s important to be concise, truthful and only stick to the subject at hand.
When we first start to work this muscle, it’s important that we are clear about what we are asking for, both for ourselves and the person we are asking. Mucking up the waters will only take the power out of our ask.
Keep in mind, when you are ready to have a tough conversation, it’s a great idea to set up an appointment to talk to someone, for several reasons.
One, it shows that you value their time.
Second, you are making what you have to say to them important.
Third, you are placing value on finding a solution and understanding when communicating about a tough subject.
We have such busy lives and our mental bandwidth can be so overtaxed that springing a tough conversation on someone could be disastrous. Setting up an appointment is not being rigid, it’s leading with kindness.
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When we do start to stand up for our needs and ask for what we want, you may start to hear the word selfish thrown around.
I think people hear the word “selfish” and they react as if it is the worst word in the English language. What would happen if every time we were about to say “selfish” we just replaced it with Self Care?: “I was very self-care tonight".
It was a long week and I just had to come home and relax. I’m sorry I missed the party.” I think it is valuable to learn how to stand up for yourself. And finding how to take care of your own needs is the first step in that process.
Once we are able to place value in our needs and what we need to take care of ourselves, it becomes that much easier to stand up for ourselves when something is not jiving with our needs. Self Care is a class that I think should be taught to everyone because there is not one person I know who has this mastered.
And never forget, it’s 100% okay to say “no” to someone. It may be one of the hardest things you learn to do, but it is absolutely okay. Saying “no” to something is just communicating your wishes, just like saying “yes”.
We have attached the word “no” to rejecting someone or guilty feelings or hurt feelings.
But it is just communication about your needs at this time. The other side of saying “no” is where you will fortify your ability to stand up for yourself.
That other side is their reaction.
It is none of your business how someone feels when you tell them “no”. As long as you are coming from a place of kindness and communicating your needs, step out of their reaction.
You will find that it becomes that much easier to stand up for yourself when you aren’t bracing for the impact.